My Medal of Honor Adventures

I love video games. I know they are a waste of time and promote the more bass nature of mankind, but nothing beats blasting away enemy combatants point blank with a Panzershrek, or car jacking a cop car in Vice City. (San Andreas is out soon in NA...I have to wait until it comes out on PC or Japanese PS2)

Lately, I have been playing heaps of Medal of Honor in my down(syndrome)time. Of course, my schedule at work has encouraged it too. I also got the stopped the vibrating control pad. Usually, it takes about 5 minutes to whiz through the options on Japanese games, but military games always like to use really complex chinese characters, which in Japan we call "Kanji."

Currently, I am beating the Hun back through the streets of some town in Holland, maybe Arnhem, but I prefer to think of it as battling to the coffee shop. Of course I was going to write that because it is a cliche. Some of the AI is really impressive, even though it is 9 inches up the backdoor on the gayness scale that some guys need 5 bullets from a BAR rifle before they finally die. I also like the translations of what the Germans are saying into Japanese. Apparently, they say "shit" a lot and "asshole". I really like the game. A lot more than the Pacific War one. The Pacific war one was okay, but EVERYTHING was in Japanese, even buddy's briefings. The AI didn't seem too much better.

I'd like to see them improve the interactiveness (is there such a word?) with the environment more along the lines of GTA3. I reckon a World War 2 game with the freedom of movement of the GTA game environment would be a total winner. I imagine that some companies are out there improving our collective means for Wargasm at home.

I haven't checked out Battlefield 1942 yet. I had a copy of it kicking around for the PC, but I think the key code was wrong, or my PC at home wasn't fast enough. Unfortunatley, I don't really know what the cool game is in North America now. Could someone please let me know soon? My family are coming over for a visit, so I can probably get someone to go into Wal-Mart or an Electronics Boutique for me.

Who knows the identity of this man?

Flip-Flopping on "Planet of the Apes"

In my last 24 Hours off, literally, I went and rented the most blogged about movie since "Harley Davidson and Don Johnson"; Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

About a week ago on a chain smoker support blog, I said that the second planet of the apes was "rad". (My brother was an extra in THAT movie by the way) I watched it. And I have decided to change my position, as anyone with a grain of intelligence would once they accumulate more accurate facts. The second Planet of the Apes movie was not good by a long shot. The beers that went along with the film helped get it to the credits before I shut it off. Watch the original, then watch the second one a day later and you'll see the difference between them.

I am going to watch the next 3 Planet of the Apes movies during this week to fully purge my mind of any thoughts that these movies were good. This is my pledge to you my loyal readers...reader.

In other news, my new NHL 2004 team is the "Cleveland Steamerers". Unfortunatley, I can't fabricate a logo for the PC. You have to use the ones that come with the game. Most of them are lame. Like a Pink Rabbit. I don't know how many flammingly gay guys play NHL 2004, but there is at least one who was part of the design team. Possible team names with that logo: Bunnies, Rabbits, Hares, or Lapins, if based in Quwee-bec.

I am still unaware of what time it is or the actual date. I slept for three hours on Monday afternoon, and then fell asleep at 4am Tuesday to wake up at 10am Tuesday. Only one more week of mixed first and third shifts and it'll get back to "normal".

That is all for now on this side of the globe.

Tounged Bunghole Delight

It is another late night at work. It is now, Monday 27 Sep 2004 12:34am (Tokyo). The office move is almost done. Tonight my duties are to stay awake and to ask the movers how many boxes they moved. Just another 5 hours and 26 minutes.

Not much happened on my "day off". I couldn't remember which day it was, let alone the actual date. I crashed out on the sofa and played "Medal of Honor" [sic] for a few hours, listened to some AC DC, called the wife to find out what time she was coming home, started cleaning the place up about 15 minutes before she was to walk through the door. Rented a few videos.

I rented "Porky's", a classic film from a gone-by age (sigh). I was shocked to find out that it actually had a story and there weren't as many T & A shots as I thought there'd be. What a gyp. I remember my mom outlawing that movie when it came out way back in '83. American Pie was lewder than Porky's by miles. No cocks in apple pie in Porky's. No Jason Biggs in Porky's

The wife rented "Friends". I asked if it had the "One with all the chicks topless" episode. She just gave me a dirty look. I watched it. I laughed at one of the episodes, but it might have been because I was drinking the flat Champagne that had been in the fridge for a week. (Yeah, that's right I drink Champagne like a bloated Plutocrat) I also rented another movie that has been discussed ad nauseum on another blog.

Someone at work is going to go see "The Eagles". They are forking out over $500 for four tickets to see "The Eagles". I just cant get over the total waste of money. If I had $500 bucks to blow, 4 Eagles tickets would fall somewhere between buying professional wrestling paraphernalia on eBay and making a donation to a political party. $500 clams. The Eagles. That's Nucking Futs.

Why am I ranting against "The Eagles"? I guess I am ranting because so valuable dough is going to some old douche bags who already have a lot of it. Where's the justice?

Is it Mr.Cool, or Dr.Hate? You decide!

Someone get a hold of Rock n' Roll confidential quick: We have a live one!

Unfortunately I dont have web access at home at the moment, so I can't post this to Rock and Roll Confidential. (Its restricted at work) But I will let you the reader judge whether this might be worthy of the Hall of Douche Bags.

"....It's a long way to the shop, If you want a sausage roll..."

And you think I write about nothing

I will leave you with Wayde 588 kickin' out the jams.

Is there an election, or something, going on?

Looking at the US Imperator elections from a far away land is really fun. Fortunately, It is impossible to be caught up in the politcal discourse with intelligent co-workers who watch the likes of CITY TV. So, that means there is absolutely no discussion about military records, voting records, lobby group commercials, etc.

Are there any issues in the "election"? All you see on TV are polls and shit about military records.

So, I thought, for a change, I'd get political on your candy asses. Do you smelllllllllll what the dude is smokin'?

Kerry

• has a lot of money
• was in the navy
• threw medals at Ronald McDonald
• likes hockey (Bruins)
• supposedly Catholic

Bush

• has a lot of money
• has own GI JOE figure
• took high school dropouts out of McDonalds and put them in Iraq
• likes blow
• supposedly intelligent

Hmmmmmm. Tough choice. A rich ex-radical hippy or a rich ex-blowfiend moron.

Wow.

Is this the best that the West can offer? Seriously. This is it? Well, whoever wins they'll have a giant mess in the Middle East on their hands and a stagnant economy, not to mention an angry obese populace . I don't think either of them are fit for the job. I can't believe the system will work for long when the calibre of the candidates is so bad. If we are going to have "bad" candidates in this farcical popularity contest, lets give the Prols something they want to see. I said "God Damn".

My Republican Candidate is this guy. My Democratic Candidate is this guy.

Vince

• has a lot of money
• was heavyweight champ
• has multiple action figures and video game appearances
• related to Triple H

Ric

• has a lot of money
• introduced "Wooooooo!" into the English language
• Real people's Champion
• snazzy bathrobes

Who will it be America? A man who sold-out Stone Cold, or the man who bloodied the Heart Break Kid?

But, Hey it could be worse.

SUMMER IS DEAD!! AUTUMN IS KING!

Yes, Summer is Dead. And there is much rejoicing in the streets of my mind. Ka-pow! Ka-pow! Ka-pow!

It is finally under 25 degrees outside with little humidity and blue skies. I am thinking about grabbing a lawn chair listening to some Pink Floyd, cracking open a beer and...wait I'm at work.

Today has been a run of the mill paper work day. Copy this, sign that, enter this on the computer, emailing that. I have to make signs that tell people to put their move forms in the approriate basket. It isn't overly mentally challenging, but hey, it beats the fuck out of making fries.

FUCK YOU, HOMEY! I'm a Burgerologist, yo!

Cap'n Sweetleaf has rejoined the ranks of Play Station Wrestling. I bought "Smackdown 4: Shut your Mouth" (used) for the PS2 on Monday. The game only cost like $20 CAD. I also bought Medal of Honor [sic]. Between the Japanese instructions and the god damn controller ocellating like it was going to make a jump to hyper space, I got killed on Omaha beach about every 2 minutes. Mind you, I don't have so much time to play video games anymore. Someday....

Soon I am expecting my very first guest to Japan. It has been over 6 years and this is the first time anyone has come to visit. Now that I have a residence worthy of some one trained to my ability in "Office-FU", I can finally entertain people. Downside: No one can speak Japanese and I have to take time off to go the airport and show people around and what not. So what if they are my parents! No, I'm joking I am actually pretty excited...about my mom cooking something just for me. Yeah, my left breast is a bit bigger than the right one. The extra food will help balance it out. Now, where did I put my Coke?

But things have been cool for me lately. Maybe not THAT cool, but shit is a lot better than it was a year ago. It is a bit of a grind, but I am getting there. I am planning to go on vacation (not home for Christmas vacation, a REAL vacation involving NOTHING) sometime next year. To my Legions of fans: Any suggestions?

Beer: The Cure for the Summer Time Blues?

That is the name of my next thesis. Well, either that or "No Blood for Chicken: Bush, Iraq and KFC Inc."

Well, it's exactly 4 am Tokyo Time on Sunday 12 September 2004 and I am at work. I shit you not I am at my desk at work. I got home from work on Saturday morning at 9am and came back to work on saturday night at 10:30 pm. This month is really busy as I am involved in the move from building A to building B.

Sorry I haven't rapped at anyone for a longtime. Since I moved to Castle von DudeSkull, I have no internet, and this blogsite used to be restricted at work. Also, I am worried about my hotmail. It was at 96% capacity the last time I checked it a month ago....

The new place is cool. The old lady and I really dig it. I mowed half the lawn and plan to do the other half sometime next month. Yeah it looks shitty but so what. I would like to welcome a "Mister Cool", or "Metal Mike", or "Dibach", or "Sloth, Chunk, Friend" or whatever he goes by these days to the blog. Everyone a big round of applause for Metal Sloth. Also, Danger Dale from the bowels of Cyodon England has checked out the Blog. shout out to Dale.

Its 4:10 and I have to go and talk to some guy about some boxes that are being moved. Everyone, keep it real.