I'll have a squid burger, extra corn.

Theme dining back in the Democratic People's Constitutional Monarchy of Canada (DPCMC) is very limited. There are the lame "Cowboy" places, the lame "Irish-Sports-potato-big-screen-TV-Fat-Chicks-call-the-cops-if-you-bust-the-bubble-hockey" places, and the restraunts where average Canadiens can afford to have their wedding reception or 50th wedding anniversary places.  Then, there is also the "Canadien" theme place.

In Nippon, there are restraunts and bars galore. The food is kind of limited to Japanese style, and Japanesified Western Style. It pretty much tastes the same everywhere; good. Just like the Wings at the Cowboy place will taste like the wings at the Irish-sports-slob-grease bar; burning.

About a week ago after work, I decided to go to this theme restraunt.  I have to admit the wait staf were a bit over-the-top. The food was okay, but I broke a glass. Like a lot of Japanese restraunts, this one sold comics and candy at the counter. Seeing as I had had enough bratwurst, corn, mayonaise, tuna and rice for anyone, I passed on the candy and I already had the comic.  

On the way to the train station, being the total alcoholic that I am, I decide to stop in for a beer at a bar my waiter, Adolf Yamamoto, had suggested. I checked it out.  I had my beer, played some video games, checked out the pictures of the regulars on the wall, and scibbled down their website address.
 

And now you you know what the Japanese feel when they see Westerners dressed as Ninjas....or other "martial artists"  (Hey, Arnold. Have you seen Potsie?)

Good Grief.  

And on today's agenda

I can't believe my blog is so popular. Maybe I am cool. I guess the reality is that people out there like checking out what I say between their "spank breaks" while surfing. I have been approached by corporate hacks pleading to advertise on my blog. I tell 'em to beat it. It's about the typing mindless drivel not the $0.01 US ($74 Canadian), per visit.
 
On today's agenda, I will go out and brave the nuclear furnace, or Sun, to meet up with Scottish John. Scottish John, not to be confused with English Jon, or butterlungs as he is known, is a cool guy who can speak Japanese totally awesomely. The last time we hooked up was a few months ago. We went to a Kawasaki Frontale football game and got shit faced during the first half. I think we won too. Butterlungs, for your information, is the personification of failure.
 
So today, we are going to meet up and head to the otherside of the river for a BBQ. Some charred meat and a couple of beers. After that, I will probably be sun burned.
 
Hmmmmmm.

HOT! SWEAT! SUMMER! BULLSHIT!

Well, the Mercury hit a wafty 40 degrees today. Only 6 more weeks of this shit summer. I need a new hat. I need a beer. I need a spliff. I need to be transported to somewhere where sweat doesn't gush out of your forearms for no reason other than heat. Blllleeeearghh.
 
Yesterday we went shopping at Yodobashi Kamera. We looked at new TVs for our new place. Plasma flat screens are in, and the old style big box is out. Unfortunately, even the cheapest flat screen is like 400,000 yen, or about $3600 US, or $12 Billion Canadian. (for other currencies go here). I love TV, I love video games on a big TV. But I don't love it that much. We did find a 36 inch TV for about 110,000 yen. Just in time for the Olympics. We also looked at other appliances and a BBQ. I need a BBQ, and a hammock, and a kiddie pool, and a new hat, and a beer, and a spliff, and to be transported...
 
But I have my eye on something mindblowing, if I get a Christmas bonus. Depending on the size of the bonus (somewhere between a month's dough and 2 months dough) I want to by a projector TV, like they have in bars and pubs. "IF" is the key word.
 
We also saw a robot vaccuum cleaner. I wish I could remember the name of it so I could post a link. It was the size of a toliet seat and it roamed around cleaning shit up. In a couple more years, it will be standard Japanese home appliance kit, just like 61 inch Flat Plasma screen TVs. fingers crossed.
 
We also saw a full blown crazy guy near Yodobashi Kamera. He couldn't take his eyes away from the reflection of himself drinking a coke, or something, in a mirrored pillar at the train station. He was jumping up and down, moon walking, laughing his nuts off. He was about forty. One of those "rolled-up" jeans crazies with crappy old baseball hat. There was also the bug eyed man on the train going home.
 
What do you think the Japanese made of me? Hey, I'm painting a picture of them, what do you think they thought of me?
 
Large?
 
Sweaty?
 
Stinky?
 
Ugly?
 
Fat?
 
Hung?
 
Well, at least I wasn't wasted.
 
Oh yeah, don't forget,
 
 
 
 

Tokyo is just so bizarre, man.

Last night, I met up with my buddy in Jiyugaoka for some beers. He lives near there and is therefore the man-in-the-now when it comes to food and beer.

The first place was kind of gay. They had a lap dog section, where J-Yuppies can go with their gay little dogs. We opened the door and were greated by a chihuahua about the size of a golf ball yipping at us. "Fucking gayyyyyyyy!" I thought. We had a beer and ate some onion rings. When paying, they had "doggie cakes" at the register. "What's up with this?!" I asked. He then informed me there is a shop that specialises in cakes and snacks for lap dogs in the area. How cute.

Next, we went to this place where another buddy of ours got so drunk we apologised while they were kicking us out. It looked like a hole in the wall. Something between a dumpster and the Skanktuary on Queen St. It was packed! Excellent food and good beer.

We then grabbed some tins at the convini and finished off the night complaining about Japan, shit movies, work and the amount of insane people that are around.

As if on que, an 80 year old man chuffing on a cigaret walked by with a white T-shirt with "Disco Sucks" written on it.

This place never ceases to amaze.

Some food for thought

This is what some Americans think of the Democratic People's Constitutional Monarchy of Canada (DPCMC).

But if want to see how the proles handle the cross border rivalry, check this out.

I have been so bored this weekend, I looked at Blogs from fromer associates and followed some links. I read some articles that are coming from the DPCMC. I had forgotten what it is like. Unlike the BBC, which will have a conservative and a liberal panelist on one current affairs show, the CBC has a raving silverspoon socialist and a Liberal hack. Unfortunately, I don't remember the name of the program because I had to turn my eyes away before I turned into a pilar of salt. But, don't worry I am sure it is on any weeknight after 7 pm when all other channels are showing something interesting.

Even the beasties are in on this!

I just realised something

I was just on the phone with a buddy of mine who lives about 5 stops down the line in a place near Jiyugaoka. Anyway, he brought something up that was interesting and had never dawned on me before.

Where he works, there are quite a few non-Japanese, and quite a few of them are Americans. He himself is American. However, nationality has nothing to do with what he pointed out. He noticed that a lot of the guys he works with, who are younger than him and myself by 3 or 4 years, are total pussies.

They CAN'T eat meat, not WON'T. Apparently, it upsets their digestion. They complain about the air conditioning being too cold. The little cars in Japan are "cute". They don't have fathers, so they act like, well, pussies.

After he pointed this out, I realised that in my past work experiences here and abroad, 90% of my friends didn't come from broken homes, and none of them were pussies. For some reason, it is very difficult to connect with people my age from broken homes.

Effeminisation.

Like Reggie Dunlop said: "Oh, yeah. Before I forget, your son looks like a fag. Before you know it, I bet he'll have a cock in his mouth before you can say 'Jack Robinson!'"

Oh yeah two other things of note: try and download the MPEG of Glenn Danzig getting punched out and Gene Simmons "Firestarter" should be banned worldwide. It is just crap.

As Hot as the Sun.

The horrible Japanese summer has finally arrived in full force. All this week it has been well over 30 night and day with humidity over 65%. It rained today for a bit, making it cool for about 10 minutes. Only 8 more weeks! BONZAI!!!! Personally, I can't see why anybody gets juiced over summer here. 10 weeks of sauna like heat everywhere, having to change your clothes twice a day, sweating like a rapist all day long. YEESH. I could understand if I didn't have to go to work for the entire time or something. In noway are my feelings about summer here equivalent to everyone else's.

By "rapist", I meant rapist of Western Canada, not mind rapist, or rapist rapist.

I just wanted to clarify that.

So, while you enjoy your weekend doing whatever it is you do, I drink water and sit infront of a fan.

Last week, we went down to the fiancee's hometown in Kyushu. Nagasaki ken to be exact. We planned our wedding, I went drinking with extended family in-laws, I retained my title as beer drinking Champion of her village. 12 hours, 26 pints, still coherent and standing. Only kryptonite can stop me! Ha! Ha!

Oh! Just had an Earthquake. Good thing I wasn't on the toilet, or it could have been really bad.

It looks like we will be moving. Which is great. Unfortunately, I have to shell out almost $10,000 CAD to make it happen, which isn't so great. It's only a rental, but the lease is for 6 years (no rent increases)and it is big by Japanese standards. I'll get $5000 or so back when we move out. It has the biggest front yard I have ever seen in Japan in Megacity one. There is a park on one side and a Fishing pond across the street. At the pond there are cranes and big fuck off sized turtles. It will be my weekend fortress of Soli-dude. This is my second chance at this place. We almost didn't get it the first time around.

Today, while going from real estate agency to real estate agency, I had a revelation similar to Hollywood's greatest action hero. One sale's agent said the place had gone, but the timing was all out of whack. I went to his office on Tuesday night,around 7, and he said he couldn't get a hold of the owner. Then he called the fiancee to say he had a time booked to go check it out. They were closed on Wednesday and she went on Thursday morning and he said someone had rented it. Now, any sane person would see the inconsistencies of all this. However, I hounded her to call the real estate people for a week to make an appointment and she procrastinated too long. I was so pissed off at her because I only had half of the story at this point and, well, it seemed she blew the deal. Long story short, the real estate guy starts showing us other places that aren't as good, but pay him a better commission. So, out in the hot sun, kind of hung over and looking like a wet dog, I put all of this together, and march over to house I want to rent. Nobody has been near the place in a week (I could tell by the state of the premises with the power of deduction...like Sherlock Holmes). We called a different place, checked it out and tomorrow finger's crossed, I'll be moving on up.