Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Screw

Things here are moving along swimmingly. Last night at the Uni, the pools of saliva from the drooling students was getting a bit out of hand, so we had to add another 5 minutes to breaktime. I had an interview to teach a bunch of Engrish related tomfoolery and world history at another institution (An all girls reform school for juvenile deliquents/nymphomaniacs). I should know either tomorrow or on Monday what the word is. I don't want to be around myself if the word is "No". Buddy told me there were only 3 others who were being considered for the position. I suggested that he put us all in a last man standing match, maybe with a coal miner's glove, or barbed-wire ropes and exposed turnbuckles.

Fat Bastard. Parts Unknown.

I watched a few DVDs, or DBDs as they are referred to here. The Ladykillers by the Coen Brothers was great. I really enjoyed it. The General was the fucking limit. I also got Hellboy. I wasn't really familiar with Hellboy, but I did know that the comic existed. Now, after the horrible career ending Hulk and Daredevil movies, I thought "man, this might be really crappy." However, it was really good and enjoyable. I am looking forward to seeing the new Batman movie when it gets out on DVD too. I'm not going to pay $20 to see something that looks cool, but sucks upon further inspection. (Star Wars 2 pissed me off sooooo much)

When the fuck is there going to be some fucking hockey already?! For fuck sakes, now the players are saying they shouldn't have opposed the salary cap in February. Nice of you to all wake the fuck up, you whiney millionaire visor wearing fags! In the meantime, the corporation, who are equally assholesque, are changing some of the rules. Some of the rule changes are good (smaller goalie equipment, bow-uprights on the goal) and some of the rules are just ghey! In overtime they're going to have a shoot out. To quote a writer who thinks his " body was built for banging hot chicks and writing brilliant, insightful commentary on the world, not…(gasp!)…manual labour!", well fucking lah-dee-lah-lah. Why don't they just have a fucking baking contest at the end of the game? Or a needle point embrodiery exhibition? Spelling Bee anyone? Lame! Lame! Lame! Lame! Lame! I suggest a punch out at centre ice. If they want to make hockey awesome again, go back to the old school rules:

  • No helmets or face masks.
  • Goalies serve their own penalties.
  • Bench clears are legal.

There is a lot of talk about opening the ice for the super stars to strut their stuff. Gordie Howe didn't need any of that shit. Neither did Rocket Richard. Neither did Bobby Clarke when he broke that Russian's leg in a face off in the summit series.

Now that Hockey is coming back, look forward to a bunch of shitty new uniforms to capture the fans imagination. Nothing is as good as this. Well, maybe this.

I am glad to see that the federal government is bending over backwards to help the flood victims in Alberta. If the floods were East of Winnipeg, HOLY FUCK!!!!, send the army, free up millions of dollars, suspend trading on the stock market, pass gay marriage legislation, call in the UN. No Liberal ridings, go fuck yourselves. It's okay though, I imagine the people in Alberta don't want the Feds help. That's what it's like when your independently minded.

I want to write about Bob Geldof, but look at the guy. I see homeless bums who look better than him. I hear homeless bums who make more sense than him when they open their mouths.

Well, those are the rants of today.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Fun time

Check this Trailer Park Boys Flash game out.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Do you Gung Ho take Snake Eyes...

Well, if other nations in the world aren't killing themselves laughing at the Great White North, or standing there perplexed shaking their heads, they will be now.

Check this out.

I'm disappointed about the reporting in this article. No mention of dress uniforms, shiny medals, ass-less chaps.

All I can think of is the boot-camp scene in the Kids in the Hall movie "Brain Candy"

Whatever floats your boat.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Recent Travels 1 of 5


Welcome to Japan, Tool.

This Picasa/Blogger tard bot thing is giving me a headache. I wanted to put all five pics together but blah blah blah too computer illiterate/retarded.

Recent Travels 2 of 5


Matsuyama Castle

I almost wiped out after climbing up and then down the walls. My ninja skills need work.

Recent Travels 3 of 5


Huh?

The weird thing is after I saw this objet d'art, I saw another one about 50 yards away. It was infront of a Pachinko Parlour. Fucked if I know what it's there for.

Recent Travels 4 of 5


This clock has more than meets the eye.

Recent Travels 5 of 5


This clock is the first step towards Mega-tron and the rest of the Decepticons.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Red Wine Hangover

Okay, Okay, Okay. I know I have been off the booze for quite a while. Well, not totally, but I cut my consumption down by like 90% in the past 6 months (has it been that long?) . I try to avoid drinking too much like a Frenchman avoids soap. However, yesterday on my way home from Uni I stopped in at the grocery store to pick up some snacks for the lady and found myself in the wine section.

Seeing as her and I are totally broke, I have been watching all my expenditures very carefully to say the least. Well, in the wine section was a Red that I thought I would enjoy and, more importantly, I could afford. Looking at the back of the bottle, I found this great little chart they had put there with information as to what temperature to drink it at, what kind of food it goes well with, the range of the alcohol content (between 11 - 18%...nice margin), etc. All this for 350 yen, or about $4 Ontario money.

Despite it being a screw top, I actually waited to get home before drinking it.

The first glass was a bit reminiscent of 'Night Train', the world's worst sweet wine beside "King Cobra". But the fact that I was able to finish the first glass and pour myself a second proved that it was more palatable than Night Train. By the end of the second glass, I thought I was at the Last Supper and it was time to get the waiter over here for another round, and maybe a little bread too. Glass three had me arguing with the TV and threatening the industry's demise unless they met my demands of putting something on that was watchable at midnight and launched all copies of Colombo in Japan directly at the sun. Glass four had me silently sitting there watching World Champion Darts muted. Rest of the bottle right out of the bottle got me up and into the kitchen watching the 3 guppies my wife bought last week. I kept thinking about how tasty they'll be once salted. FUCK, YEAH!

Now today, I feel like total crap. I have gut rot, my head feels like I have a bullet wound in it, my shit was black this morning and the slightest noise is amazingly amplified by 1000%. Tomorrow afternoon I have to go to a wedding and drink beer and sake. I don't know if I can handle it. I feel like a burn victim here. Sake is like fucking paint stripper. Anybody I've ever met who says they like sake was either an idiot or had their tastebuds burnt out with battery acid years before. That shit will take the enamel right off your teeth. Don't believe me, look at some Japanese teeth some time.

Anyway, I have to go eat a bottle of aspirin and maybe grab a sandwich.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Star Wars Episode 3

'Holy shit! Yoda got awesome.' - Enerst Hemingway.

I got a chance to see Episode 3 this weekend and boy was I thrilled. In an earlier post, I speculated as to what might happen and a few things I wouldn't mind seeing occur in that galaxy far, far away.

From the get go I was sucked into the movie. The opening sequence over Corsucant was fantastic and immediately made up for the failings of the other two prequels in my mind. As the film progressed, smal blips were going off on the the Ghey-dar, punctuated with the odd full-fledged cinematic T-bag. Here are some of my observations of things that made the movie excellent, and also dragged it down the hurting scale towards "Santa versus the Martians."

AWESOME STUFF

  • When Obi-Wan and Anakin crash of the Droid ship, eject and slay.
  • R2's pyromania in the hangar of the Droid ship.
  • Dooku getting his girlfriends chopped off and then decapitated.
  • The battle on the Wookie planet.
  • General Grievious and Obi-Wan battling it out.
  • The Stormtrooper wasting that Robotic Spider Droid.
  • Jedi getting shot in the back. ("Take that K'ron! Ahhhhh!")
  • Chewbacca
  • Yoda's assault on the Jedi Temple.
  • Vader killing the Trade Federation guys.
  • The Vader Obi-Wan light saber duel.
  • Yoda's duel with the Emperor
  • Vader getting his limbs chopped off.
  • Vader bursting into flames. Golfing Flames. Golfing. Golfing.
  • The Vader Mask Cam.

THINGS THAT WERE TOTALLY GAY.

  • The voice of the guy on Grievious' bridge.
  • Anakin's cardboard dialog with Count Dooku.
  • Grievious: The melodramatic 1920s silent movie villan in robotic form.
  • Nice Wookie Tarzan call.
  • Obi-Wan's 'V' gesture before he fights.
  • Lightning turns the Chancellor into an over-actor.
  • Qui-Gon?! Nice way to patch any problems there.
  • Jar-Jar! Fuck!
  • The topper.

All in all, I enjoyed it. I hope in 25 years Lucas decides to make Episodes 7, 8 and 9. That way the kids of today can bitch about how that old fart Lucas wrecked Star Wars to their kids.

On an aside, imagine how awesome it would have been if Lucas had chosen to set the last act of Return of the Jedi on the Wookie planet rather than Endor? What was he thinking? But then again, if had been that awesome people would've been even more upset by the cheezy crapacity of elements within the prequels.

'Never Underestimate the Power of the Stoned Side of the Force.' - Darth Lebowski

Thursday, June 02, 2005

'Joined the Taliban, wanted them "Hammer" pants'

Does anybody remember this guy? What has happened to him?

I guess he is jail. There is a website about it here. So buddy was a Soldier of 4 Tune, not some crazed hash smokin' jihadi cat. I wonder if any of his buddys are gonna try and break him out of jail.

Supposedly, He has released a new single to help fund his defence. 'Joined the Taliban, wanted them "Hammer" pants' Listen to it here (you'll need realplayer). It's Fun-key!

What do you think they should do with such a talented artist associated with the Taliban?

Hammer pants.