Sunday, November 13, 2005

Mexican Food: The Ultimate Weapon

On Friday, after a long day of saying, 'plus divided by 5 minus times equals plus', my esteemed colleague, the chair of Transgender Studies and I went out on the town to cull a few brain cells and get something to eat. We went to a Mexican Restraunt in Shibuya which was great. I had the Nachos and a couple of beers. Domestic Beers, I'd like to point out, 'cause I ain't a fag. By the next morning, the Nachos had created a black hole in my guts and was sucking my very being towards its maelstorm centre. Turning on it's own gravity, the torrent created no less than 7 small scale big bangs, blasting matter across the farthest reaches of the porcelain universe.

Hot lunch indeed.

Now, you might be asking yourself, 'why would a guy like DL need to drink with those movie star looks, a K1 fighter's body and a superior intellect? I mean, surely, just waking up must be like quaffing a pitcher rose-scented mead on mid-summer's eve. Well, I had a new experience, and to make sure I never forgot it, I decided I had to bore my friend with the same story 8 or 9 times so I'd never forget it.

While pontificating about the Cuban Missile crisis to a mass of wide, yet almond shaped, eyed youth, one of the students had a seizure. Yes, a siezure. A Force Five alarm, bring-in-the-cat-the-bombs-are-dropping, Stone Cold versus McMahon seizure. The girl next to her had a hold of her one arm and I, with Puma like grace, bounded over the desk and grabbed the other. Apparently this had happened before and her classmates were quite used to these episodes. So, I grabbed hold of her right arm with my left hand and pulled it away from her throat. She broke loose from the grip of the girl beside her and started flailing around like a wild animal being held up by one leg. Desks were knocked over, papers went flying, pens scrambled across the floor. Finally, I got a hold of the other hand and pinned her to an empty seat. I was trying to calm her down by saying 'Everything's okay. Take it easy', only to be informed by students who had seen this movie before that she was "unconcious". I dispatched a couple of them to get the nurse and whoever it was they get to deal with this. I'm surprised I waited the 5 hours until after work to down a few. I felt like hitting the Whiskey vending machine after that class.

But how did the Cuban Missile Crisis end, dude?! Basically, Kennedy threatened to lay the Smackdown on Khruschev's Candy Ass and blockaded the ring where Khruschev's tag team partner, El Castro-nator, was. However, Khruschev strutting out of the locker room onto the ramp amid the boos, and cheers of the fans, used the big screen over the ramp to show that his gang, the CCCP crew, had one of Kennedy's TEAM USA (and friends) allies, the Great Turk-holio, hostage in parking garage somewhere. When Kennedy saw this, he freaked out and paced in front of the ring. Oh, the drama. Finally, they compromised and Kennedy lifted the blockade of the ring and the CCCP crew let Turk-holio go. The world had no idea how close it was to an improvised Pay-per-view match.

There is a book in this. What do you think Champ, "World History 'splained like rasslin". Could make a great stocking stuffer.

A hot lunch to all, and to all a hot lunch.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Diamond in a shitfield

I have spent many hours looking at some of the worst homework ever handed in. Teaching sucks cock. Speaking of which, check this gem out

"Good restraunts have some good points. First of all, service is very good. Cocks and waiters are kind to us, so we feel good."

Only 38 more days.