Sunday, October 30, 2005

This Week has been weak

Hola Amigos. It's been a while since I rapped at ya, but I've been as busy as a one legged man at a shit eating contest.

Where to begin? To ease the pain of everyday life and to get my weekly dose of Casinorama commercials I've listened to the last two dismal Leaf performances. Keep reading E, this part won't take long. WTF? Thanks for letting me down, boys. The Leafs have been playing like fucking muppets.

Recently the Leafs have been:

A)Fucking Lame as Fuck.
B)Just hurting.
C)Special Olympics Calibre.
D)Pissing me off twice a week.
E) All of the above.




Work has been okay. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, 'Some fucking imposter has taken Lebowski's Blogsite! First the Leafs, now work!'. I assure you it's me. I've been able to put my brain in a Zen state of mind at work focusing on a number. It was 47 on Friday and it'll be 44 on Monday. Work has been okay, but dealing with employers hasn't. I've got an appointment to kick some ass and lay some smackdown next Friday when I go to pick up my pay. I've been going to the gym...getting ready for that flying Macho Man elbow off the top of the desk. OH YEAH!


If you don't want to read my little political rant, close your eyes now.... I see the religion of Peace has been spreading the word peacefully with some peaceful explosives. In fact, all of this Peace is really getting on my nerves. If some peaceful fanatic tries to pull that shit on my ride home, I might have to open a can of Peace-ass on him. All of this peacefulnessousicity has even led to Piglet being banned in the UK. It looks like of this peacefulness is going to spill out into a bigtime brawl in a couple of years. That's all.

I see on another blog that there were going to be some pictures of Mr.Cool, complete with empty pint glass and Champagne E, complete with fun-fur raving overalls. But, the blogger asked if they would mind if their pictures were posted, and of course they declined. Well, she is not the only one with pictures of the West side lads. I had to do some searching through the hard drive, but sure enough I found a great pictures of them or maybe they're doppelgangers.


Happy Birthday, Metal! Beer, smokes, shanks and skanks! Alright!


Everything is better with a little......Ginger Al...I mean...Champagne. Who wouldn't go to raves?

Suspiciously though, Champagne seems to resemble my cat, Sgt.Meowenstein, before we got rid of him.

Well, that's what it has been like on this side of the world. Getting old, getting grey. Getting ripped off, underpaid. Getting sold, second hand. That's what its like working for the Man. It's a long way to the top if you want a sausage roll.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Like shit, I feel

I have a cold that seems to be making return trips between the chest and the sinuses. I've gone through about 10 packs of Halls in the last few days just to be able to speak. Being sick sucks.

Mucus production up 125% Praise Big brother!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

LEAFS, LEAFS UBER ALLES.

Alright!!! Leafs drive the Canadiens from the ice and hear the lamentations of the women!

Here is my salute to our worthy foreign adversaries.

"But the Habs have won 26 cups" - Habs fan

"Just like the French "won" two world wars" - Leafnan the Torontonian

Pepsi addicted Midgets Love the Habs!!!!

Ou est la parking? Je bois le Pepsi et manger les Joe Louis. Habs? Mais oui, Je l'aime ca.


'ave you seen my 'ockey puck? Where's my 'ockey puck? 'ave you seen it?

A Week in the Washing Machine

I"ll tell ya, I've been busier than a soccer mom this week. Gasing up the SUV, going to the bank machine to get the kids their lunch money, soccer practice, watching soap operas, taking anti-depressants, getting picked up by the MILF hunter is nothing compared to this last week. I've criss-crossed the whole area, and it made me wanna 'jump, jump". Where to begin...

Monday - I had to take a train about 2 hours from my place to go meet up with some old friends. It would've been awesome if it hadn't rained and more than one other person actually made it. I also did some marking. I've got it down to a science; balance the essay in your left hand and quote any line from Harry Potter, then let the red pen in your right hand act like a ouija board and have the spirits do it for you.

Tuesday - I listened to the Leafs battle the Sens up until the OT, and then I had to go to Work.Work! Work! Work! Sucked! Sucked! Sucked!

Wednesday - Made a guest appearance at work and did a lot of work around home.

Thursday - Watched "Super Size Me" and decided to become a Vegan. Spent day throwing all meat products on to a fire in protest. I beleive you humans call this a "barb-be-cues?" Of course in Japan I can't be a Vegan because I don't have the right fashion. :( I wish I could just conform like everyone else.

Friday - University Tour. I've settled my classes by promoting all the pains in the ass to the next level. Everyone wins, except their new teacher. This year I am teaching "The History of the Emergence of Gay Culture in Soviet controlled Central Europe" If you know anyone who is gay and grew up in that area during that time, my students would like to interview him. Easy shit: Favorite Designer, the Solidarnosc Movement, what do you like, sports? I'm also teaching "Go! Go! Let's English to the Foreigners alive in the Japan", or some bullshit like that.

Saturday - I missed what might be the greatest Leaf game of the season because of work. 9 -1 and fights galore! Awesome! I got to listen to the second intermission. Work came and went. I carried on my Vegan protest by eating salad and playing hackey-sack during my lunch break. Hey, when there are complaints about my smell, they are persecuting my lifestyle and nature, man.

Sunday - Having heart palpatations listening to the Leafs attempting to put some nails in the coffin of the Canadiens for the win. I've got the Flames lined up for later today. If the Commissioning testing Wiz is out there, if you could email me the sports game links we talked about a month or so ago, I'd appreciate it very much. Yay! Frontale is like fucking 4th! They are kicking ass big time. Division 2 Champs then Division 1 Champs the next, baby! I checked and FC Tokyo, who totally munch it, aren't coming to Kawasaki. There are other Tokyo Teams. Verdy is total crap this year. There is also Kofu, which is like suburban Tokyo. I'm making a shirt for the games. Check it out.



I'm gonna make a mint.

There might be another update if the Leafs vanquish the evil Amphibioids at the Lillypad centre.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Quote for the ages

Once in awhile a student of mine impresses me with their grasp of the English language. Below please fine the newest, and possibly the greatest, quote our language has ever produced.

"I love my dong. He is licking my face while I am waving my tail."

Discuss.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Only 72 more days

72 more days in this archipeligo of a lunatic asylum between the latitude of 46 degrees and 30 degrees north and 128 degrees and 146 degrees east before I get on the big jet plane and head off into the sunrise....hopefully for good.

Now, anyone who has known me for any length of time knows a few things about me: I like a drink, I like a smoke, I like giving the juice and I like to complain. I'm a free soul trapped by the "ludicrousousity" - (thanks for the word Cedric) of a world forever mad. That being said, I've always pictured myself as one of the faceless characters mentioned in a Conan novel, set after the ocean swallowed Atlantis, in the time of high adventure.

Fuck with the dude's pay, expect abuse!

I went today to pick up my pay for the month of hard slog lecturing to retarded cabbages, I mean students, only to find that my company thought they could back door me to the tune of $250 bucks. I had to take a page out of the book of the real Fat Bastard, of Wanker Zoo fame, and threaten my employers in no uncertain terms. "Either you find my $250 in the next 5 minutes, or you won't like what happens next" Guess what? It worked! The apologies given, as always, were vacant and hollow, and disregarded by our dudely protagonist. The offer of a handshake was rebuffed with "I promise to shake your hand next month if there is no mistake with my pay."

If you haven't noticed, the exchange rate is totally going the wrong way for yours truly and the fact that I'm only making $14/hour at two fulltime jobs is not sitting well at all. Fucking with my pay is the shitline. Don't cross the shitline!

Propane, Propane.

So, the dude's time in the Far East is in its death thrawls. 72 more days until Jesusfest 2005, 25 days off from the bullshit of society here, and then maybe another 66 days before the whole place gets a "knock, knock" joke and the double whammy, which is only used on special occasions.

Small chance I'll be in TO around New Year, boys. My agents are at work trying to procure tickets to the Leafs/Pens game on 2 Jan. I want to see if I can get my "Crosby Blows Cock!" sign on hockey night in Canada. Once again, a shirt in the sacred blue and white donning the name "Baumgartner" will be present....hopefully.

The story of my life from Apocalypse Now

At the bridge

Capt Willard: Who's in charge here, soldier?

Young Black Private: (distraught) I thought YOU were!

...now back to the time of high adventure.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

What a bullshit week

I think the title says it all. To add to it, I have a bad case of insomnia. Only one more day of work until I can have a day off and not sleep.