Star Wars 3: A Continuation

This is a continuation of a rant I starte in the comments section of another blog.

I am looking forward to Star Wars 3 too, but after the lameness of Star Wars 2 I have no idea what to expect. I liked Episode One. The Bad guy was cool, although not in the story enough and Liam Neeson and Ewan MacGregor were great together. Jar Jar totally sucked. He was the super worst thing in that movie. His whole race sucked. His Chief, my God, ghey. If they were Walrusmen living in the swamp in Naboo, that would have been cool. I wanted to like Episode 2, but it was too difficult. Yeah, there was less Jar Jar, but why on Earth did George Lucas think that he could get a performance out of the world's worst actor as Anakin. I remember being in the cinema on the second day it was showing and sitting there with about 200 other people making groaning noises while Anakin "tossing" and turning in his bed. Oh, he was alseep? We all thought he was having a wank. When he started speaking about his mother and then sand people, every one in the place erupted into repressed laughter. It was terror-bial. Wet dreams about your mom with sand people?!

I've seen some of the photos of Episode 3 on the net. It looks cool, but that's what I thought about Episode 2. We'll just have to wait and see. I am away from all the hype that must be building up there. Magazines, commercials, runnings of other Star Wars movies on TV. etc. I don't really know much of what to expect. I can hope that Anakin learned some acting. Seriously, I figure that he will be doing the Sci-Fi convention curcuit in a couple of years if he sucks as much ass in Episode 3 as he did in 2. I hope he realised that.

A long time ago I heard that DiCaprio was offered the part of Anakin but turned it down because he thought Jar Jar was just too fucking lame. Jar Jar is the scapegoat of the entire saga.

Things that will make Star Wars 3 suck hard:

• Jar Jar
• Introduction of Jar Jar Jr
• Jar Jar joins Sith and kills 50 good Jedis by dropping a light saber while doing something totally stupid like getting his head caught up his ass.
• Yoda confiding in Jar Jar as an intellectual equal.
• Anakin has another wet dream about his mom and sand people (really creepy now that she is dead)
• The introduction of a triplet: Larry.
• We find out that Jar Jar is really the father

Things that will make Star Wars 3 redemption for past Lucas Film crimes:

• Killing from beginning to end.
• No Dialouge, except for characters to discuss how their killing is going.
• Dark Jedi army.
• Yoda as a Sith.
• The erradication of Jar Jar and his people.

I guess the sub-plot I am wanting to see is a Sith Yoda leading a Dark Jedi Army to Naboo and slay the Jar Jar People wholesale with brief stops in the action to re load their guns. I realise the last point of redemption and the first point of suck hard cancel out, but we have to see him die. No way would someone just casually mention "Oh yeah, by the way remember that retard Gungan that was a total fuck up? He's dead now. Killed himself by sticking his face in a giant rotating blade." "Dumb Fucker." If that is in the new movie, I'll eat my hat.

I wonder if Jar Jar gets killed off? Wouldn't it be great if people cheered when this happened?

I remembered my friend cried when they killed off Captain Kirk in Generations. I was in shock for all of about 10 minutes after Wrath of Khan thinking that Spock was dead. Fortunatly, my older brother, who is a bigger nerd than me, informed me about how the Genesis Planet blah blah. I don't think I could cry if any Star Wars Character was killed off. Maybe Han Solo, but it would have to be Harrison Ford, and he ain't going to come back.

I'll leave you with this one; What is the worst Star Trek movie of all time? I reckon its Star Trek IV. What do you think?